I hate it! Why has it found its way into my family??? WHY!! Is god trying to punish us? Make the tears and heart ache stop! I don't want to lose my anuty not now. I have already lost my grandma and anut colleen. not another one!! FUCK! I seriously dont know what to do anymore. one minute i'm mad at my mom and family for always guilting me into doing things they always say that family is important. But im just not family person. it sucks ass to be mad at them and then something happens and it makes me feel guilty that is the only good thing that my family is good at.
Why is it that life well be going good for me and then just drop like that? My friends, don't get it. so i feel like i don't have anyone to talk to but my family but i hate talking to them cuz they seem to make me feel more guilty than i already am.
Dont even get me started on the boy factor. God i hate them too. lol. Well at least im starting to feel a lil bit better. Last nite i saw the sisterhood of the traveling pants and i thought of what Camren tells her dad is exactly what i feel. BLAH! Well it was a sad movie but still good. Well I also went and saw the second movie that i didn't really want to see. but decide to go i shouldn't have it was a not worth my money. but no i did go cuz i thought it might be fun with my friends i was wrong. When im with kels and kel i sometimes feel like i cant get a word in and when i do the don't seem to care or pay attention.
Let me think of the good things that happened to me yesterday. Okay i went to the car wash. it was boring in the morning and i never want to wash another car for awhile. lol. but still fun. I got to go to the swim meet for awhile. Right when me and nikki walked in it was Sam's turn to swim talk about good timing lol. Things were a lil wierd with me and sam at first but after like 10 seconds things were normal. well normal enough for me and sam. but then we left to go back to the car wash. Okay fastforwd to that night I got to see Caleb D. I haven't seen him for awhile. and it was great to talk to him again. He still is cute. It is kinda funny when me and him talk we don't know what to say and we just end up staring at each other and then laugh and try and talk about something again. lol. well i dont know what to say so i m going to go and do laundry talk to ya'll laters. I pray that Susie gets better to. I am not going to give up and i hope she wont. and Colleen and Grandma rest in peace.

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