You know how I have been in a great mood for awhile. Its been great and I love my friends. I love being happy. But to nite every thing just hit me all my fears and my thoughts just over poured and I just started crying. I'm still crying. I don't know why I want to stop soo bad but I can't they don't want to.
I feel so alone. I don't know why my friends are always there for I know that and everything but i just feel alone. Im really happy for everyone. Nikki has Kevin who is really great to her. Kelsey has Robert who is the coolest ever. and now Crys has Josh I know that they will last and they are happy with each other. I so happy for you guys. I really am. I want the best for you guys and I don't want you guys to feel sorry for me and all. I think that i just need to try and figure this out on my own.
I don't want to feel like this anymore it sux and it hurts really bad. I think that if me and sam got closure and things didn't end like they did I would be happier. I really really miss him and I know nothing will be the same with him I don't want them to be I just want it to be okay again. God I hate my self for crying.
And the whole Max thing I don't really like him. I think he is cute and nice but I don't want him like that. I was just trying to make myself think that.
This sucks! I don't know what to do anymore. I just know that I feel alone. and I want someone to just hold me again I want to feel like its okay to be myself again with someone. But I can't I don't want to get hurt again and I just miss sam to much. Grrrr! I don't know I am going to go and try to sleep laters everyone. i just thought that I could tryin get this off my mind.

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